I feel, therefore I am
by LuvTheEars2232
Summary: Sometimes feelings aren't as illogical as some might think.


_LuvTheEars^_-_

_Fanfiction_

_I don't own Star Trek, wait a sec…crap. Nope, don't own it. But of course I wish that I did. And I wish that I was the person that does._

We watched, in a devastating awe as the planet Vulcan was sucked into the black hole that was space. The same planet from which our Commander Spock was born and raised. No one spoke, and for once, not even Jim. Nor did anyone move, for the atmosphere was too thick with tension, and sorrow. The only person that that I could think of to actually understand the pain was Spock himself. He had just lost his planet, his entire race, and worst of all, he had lost his mother. Amanda Grayson, Spock's human mother, was a wonderful woman, beautiful, smart, and loving. Though I have never met her I feel as though I lost some part of me, maybe it was the mind meld that I shared with Spock or maybe it just because she meant so much to him.

Looking at Spock I could somewhat feel the emotions that were flooding through him. While he kept his professional expressionless stance, I knew him better than anyone and could tell that he was devastated, heartbroken, and stunned. No longer able to stand there and look at the blackness, he left, and headed straight for the lift. Not bothering to ask the Captain for approval, and Kirk understood. I sighed, set my ear piece down, and headed after him. _Screw this_, I thought leaving the bridge. I searched several corridors before sense came to me that he might have gone to the comfort of his own quarters. Nearing his door I could sense his presence, easily his computer allowed me entry, and I found him meditating, the first things Vulcan's refer to as soon as things become too emotional to be surpressed.

".Tranquility." He chanted to himself. ".Tranquility."

"Spock." I whispered trying to get his attention. He ignored me, continuing his chant.

"Spock." I said again, this time a little louder.

"Nyota." He said, trying to tell me that he acknowledged my presence.

"Spock, I know that you probably don't want to talk to me right now, and that's completely understandable. But I want you to know that I'm here for you." I told him sincerely.

"That would be completely illogical Nyota, there is no absolute way of knowing what thoughts are withheld in my mind, and I would never not want you here." He said standing up to face me.

"You know what I meant."

"Indeed I did, but there is nothing wrong, I am fine." He stated in a somewhat strained voice.

I took his hands, kissed them, and looked into his almond eyes. "Spock, I know you better than that. Tell me what you feel; tell me what's bothering you ashayam, please." He sighed. His emotions, ready to overflow, shook him. He is not accustomed to expressing any type of emotions, but if there ever were a time to release any of them, now was it.

"I…_Feel, _responsible." He said shaking his head. "I feel as though the destruction of Vulcan, the death of my mother, is my fault. If only I were able to stop Nero, before he even entered the Romulus perimeter…" His voice faltered, and when he began to speak again, his voice was quieter "…I would have been able to save her."

"Spock, it's not your fault. You gave your best; you did all you could…" He cut me off. And looked down at his feet.

"Do you know that every day, as a child, my mother used to tell me she loved me? Not once did I ever reciprocate the favor, I took it lightly. Now, with all my being I regret that." He looked back up at me, but this time, there was something different about his eyes, this time, they were wet. To my utter amazement Spock was crying. My instinct told me to wipe away the tears from his face, and I did, but I let my hand linger there for a while. He grabbed my hand, and very gingerly, very lovingly, very adoringly, and held it there in place.

"Nyota, you are now all that I have left in this world to love, and with every fiber of my being I will now and forever tell you that. I love you, and nothing, not even the destruction of the entire universe, could change that." With no surprise at all, I started to cry. This Vulcan, this beautiful, man had just proclaimed his love for me, with as much emotion as any human would have, I could only think of one thing to do. How anyone could decipher him as emotionless is beyond me.

I cupped my hands on both sides of his face, and brought his lips to mine, every nerve in my body told me it was the right thing to do, and I believe it. He was slightly surprised, but didn't dare pull away. "I love you too, from now and until the end of time."I sighed against his lips, and he smiled against mine.

FIN


End file.
